omg, someone is singing that audioslave song, dunno what title liao, stone or something? could only hear 'i ll wait for u there', maybe thats the title, hehe, maybe.
anyway, its raining heavily outside, but still could hear a little la, high nan2 du4 song...out of tune lo he sang, but still bearable la, quite good la, can 'pull' so long. but got one part 'aaaaaaaa' until voice die out. it was funny! but i still like it. but wait, is it because i like that song? yeah, i guess it is.

pp pilihan raya,
which also got me thinking, why was i elected last year....errr...i still dun know,
the 1st time campaining was entertaining at least,erm, or maybe stupid. but the others was a flop. but why?

anyway, back to the present, this year campaining was pretty boring, except for that all boys party singing that time, well, which i like.
why is william hung famous, because he looks stupid...and we all like him for that because he is just such a joke.

and then there was the election day. which was quite busy for all of us. and then the couting...
all turn out quite fine, for me at least....except one...that one...

during the counting session, i was there counting, and...
one vote, that person,
than another, that person
noo, not again...
nooo...
nononono,
phew, first one not that person...
nooo, not again!
this cant be happening!
NOoOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOooooooooooo

found some stuff bout avoidant disorder, which i find...intresting

preoccupied by the unpleasant and perplexing personal definition they hold themselves as defective, unable to fit in with others, being unlikable, and being unadequate.

oversensitive to social stimuli and are hyperreactive to the mood and feeling of others.
has been described as being preoccupied with security and strained in associating with people.

behave in a fretful, restive manner. They overreact to innocuious experiences but maintain control over their physical behaviours and expression of emotions. Their speech i s hesiatant and constrained. They apear to have fragmented thought sequesces and thier conversation is laced with confused digressions. They are timid and uneasy

They descrive their emotions as a constant and confusing undercurerent of tension, sadness, and anger. Sometimes this relentless pain results in a general state of numbness. They posses few social skills and personal attributes that can lead them to the pleasures and comfort of life. They must attempt to avoid pain, to need nothing, to depend on no one, and to deny desire. They try to turn away from their awareness of their unlovability and unattractiveness.

untilize fantasy to interrupt their painful thouths. They seek to muddle their emotions because diffuse disharmony is moer tolerable than the sharp pain and anguish of being themselves.
Their paramount goal is to protect themselves from real or imagined psychic pain. Fantasy and escape are all that is left because they cannot gain comfort from themselves or from others.

vurnerable to the target symptom of dysphoria which is usually accompanied by mood instability, low energy, leaden fatigue, and depression.

the goal is to increase self-esteem, increase confidence in interpersonal relationships, and to de-sensitize their reaction to critism.

sources: Will Retzlaff, Million and Davis, Sperry, and some i dont know.

simon and i,
out for that saturday night walk as usual,
around setiawangsa and some the places around,
we walk up, we walk down, and we finded a place to sit,
we talked, well, he talked alot, and we saw alot.
we saw to weird guy cleaning his car, miserable old guy,
we talked about many things, and many things were things we talked before,
we walked up the bukit, and saw some places i dint even know existed.
we talked about girls and boys, and his shcool, boys shcool...
we went back in time, and talked about our primary shcool,
i cant remember, i remember almost nothing of it,
friends that all i know nothing more than their names,
no events, no nothing, so many years, and all i can remember is a little bit of this and that.
somehow, although i dont miss them, well, there isnt much to miss since there isnt really much i remember,
i do wished to see them again, see how their grown, and what they've grown into...
but what am i gonna do after i see them is another matter, i see so many during tuition, and i realise, that there are some that i dont really like to know, and i couldnt care less about them, and some, that i dont know how to start.

of those i ve seen, most din change much, eugene and eunice still quite what like i remembered that as, and quite the same inside also. chun hao, meet him, last year i think, still crazy crazy as before, but much better la, and still thin but strong. wei na, still look quitet he same, although i din reconize her at first sight, well, she seems quite active now. yuen change, i he seems, quite a nice guy...too nice a guy. ho jun kang, he just always seems to have a grin on his face, and he smile to almost everything other ppl say, and i dont really think i like him. sin yew, sigh, still as before, kinda nice being with him though. jee jing, i think he grown alot. ling ni, quite the same. yu bing, i dont remember much of her in primary. de ann, he looks totally diferent, yeah, handsome ;), simon said he is quite quiet. michelle, i think she d change alot, much better person la now, and much much slimer. mei mei, chated up a few times, haha, san ba, she d say. su hui, she seems, stronger. sin yin, prettier. jun kang, i dont really know. yen yi, alot also, i could hardly reconize her. lai chi also same. and and rui kang, definetely alot.

k, back to that walked, we talked about ghost too, and yeah, we were quite a chicken, we were quite scared about walking back alone =.="

squall: 'always try to be cool?'

huh? me? try???
please, i rather be hot than cold,
and i rather be warm, than cool.
but i am what i am.
i hate that 'try' word there.

wed,
moral project, my dateline was tomorow...
that day, i called simon, and we walked to the photoshop to buy a film,
than we walked back, and started taking of photos of us scrubing the car,
than i change my shirt, and we took a few more photos, which were going to be use for my brother's project.
than we walked back to the shop to get our film develop,
than we went home, and i started writing my report.
than later, yuen went and get the developed film...
and i was done. all in a day.

my gums are swelling, getting heaty, it hurts even to clench my jaw.
i would really like to find something to bite...grrrr

he walked in the room, and lightly kick the door shut behind him.
he off the lights, on turn up the music.
he then walk across the room, towards the bed at the other end of the room,

and sat on his bed
his backs against the wall, his arms arounds his knees,
and his head, buried in him arms.

he sighed

theres too much inside,
he just can't open up,
he wants to, oh, how he would loved to,

he took a pilllow, and threw it.

he hates himself for it,
no, not HIMself,
but his helplessness,
his worthlessness.
he thought he got over it,
over WHAT? he just can't help it
he hates himslef for wanting....

wait, what was it that he wants?

he sat there confuse...thinking about ragnarok online...

*listening to stacie orrico's "stuck"*

shows i seen lately...

american idol (hope i get thier names right)
john stevens singing sux, but i really do like his style, although he probably wouldnt be the next idol, i do hope he ll get far in this competition. the other one i like is jasmine trias lo, that hawaiian gal, hope she wins XD
on voice, i think jennifer hudson and george huff are really great. they were awesome yesterday.
the big until scary mouth fantasia is good also lo...but i hate her.
in the end, i love simon the most, well, he is the only one that make that show worth watching.

next top model...purely for the babes, and the critics

queer eye for the straight guy, hmm...i do like this show. quite interesting lo.

while flicking through the channels, happened to saw OAG in telebrities. god, that show sucks, i hate that fat guys there, and that day, wtf was he playing that voilin for, he doesnt even how to play, so fucking annoying. hey, get out of there, i wanna hear OAG! OAG rocks! well, there was only the singer there that day...i dont really know the rest of them anyway.
and there were ppl calling in singing his songs, and their singing, aw, simon would say, terrible, horrible, dreadful.
that oag guys must have felt awful, haha.

charmed, abit of here and there, i only see it when other channels are on comercial break.
dunno le, all i see is, gals, demons, and cheap spells. dunno why le, i keep seeing them dieing one...but next episode apear again.

everybody loves raymon.
no i dont love you raymon, i love your show.

queens supreme, sometimes lo, when i am free. quite nice also.

erm, i guess thats all gua. very sien le now.

more on sr's bday...
i spended last sat lepaking around jusco with boon heng the whole afternoon,but came home empty handed.
i thought about asking some friends burning a cd for the songs you sing in class -yes, i like your singing, but please, don sing faye wong or wanna high pitch songs la, sounds like ghost la-, but had some poblems passing the songs to my friend.
then finally thought about blue, well, last minit only remember, so get that for you lo, hope you like it!

well, that day, i really think he was touch lo, well he din really expected so much. most of all, from you teck pei, and i think you really did made him feel special. but, sorry for how you felt, please, cheer up!

after skool, it was all coffee and chocolates.

k, i am really BORED, yuen's out, and i am all alone,
well, it wouldnt make a diference if he was here anyway...
but don like the feeling of being stuck here all alone...

well, the night isnt really that dark.
i cant see the moon,
nor can i see any stars,
but there are clouds,
a cross between purple and black,
the night looks alive,
and all i wanna be is just friends,
with the night.

happy birthday to SHAN RONG!
and as kek wrote, happy ching ming jie! kekekke

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

aww, feeling terible, just been woken up by a bunch of screaming kids down stairs.
and now that i am wide awake, they just suddenly disapear, grrrr....just wanna SCREAM! at them.

cant sit around here all day le, need something to do or i ll go mad...
i woke up today, and played till noon.
then i ate lunch, and went back to bed thinking of you, a few of you actually, and his gift,
well, i do think alot of things in bed, all which dint make much sense, or probably wouldnt really happen, just daydreaming away. eh, or was i already sleeping, and dreaming away.
dunno le, all blur blur now.
i thought about the picture of...i dont know what
the background were grey and faded, almost white
worned old fashion shop houses along the street, and a cloudy sky,
but there was light, small rays of lights that manage to penetrate the clouds,
lights that gave colour to the ppl in the picture.
the ppl, were also mostly in grey, but there were faint slashes and light blue and pink that outline the ppl,
most of them had a hat on, round hats, and most dressed quite formally.
women had long skirts, and men were in long sleeves.
all were pretty occupied, and they look dreadfully boring, in grey.
except for those with colours, eventho the colours wernt strong,
they still stand out, and were the only ones that seems alive.

ehh, then the the whole picture swirl and turned, plunging down the black in the center.

bah, mindless rambling.

fan-ing over what to get for sr bday...

today, boon heng is here...nagging me...
*sweat*

happenings throughout the weeks.

photo taking, aww god, wonder how would my smile come out like, distorted probably, it like having a muscle pull or something, want to smile also cannot.

and saw some other classes, is the basketball post really such a beautiful sight? keep seeing them taking photos of ppl hugging the that green tiang, ayo, go hug tree la better.

got this moral project, very wu liao le, and dunno how to do le,
man, what could we possilby write about washing a car?
on the tap, spray water, put soap, spalsh water, what else wo.

got the cbn year book, and dont really know what to say..

yan shen, and we all tried to fool ah sho during april fool, sadly, he din fall for it. no fun wan!

well, today was sorta so so lo.
lilly was bitchy as usual, and ambika with her usual time wasting activities, sadly, i dont really those activities helps much.

anyway, to you, vin.
be content with what you have,
dont take things for granted.
and dont be so condescending.

on ah chong, i asked about his past, and he told me lo, dont really feel like putting his mail here.
kinda erm, sad lo, in a way, injustice was it? but glad to see him now a living as a happy man, although you may not be aprove by some.

i wonder whos the one who s lost now...

it rained again, it started right after i reach home, and took a cold bath, safe from the rain.
but how i wish i hadnt walk, and i wish i waited there, for the rain, in the rain.
for that bus.

bah, here's more of what he writes, i am really getting tired of this...

Think I will begin w/ the last. The King of the Jews refer to Jesus Christ. The
Jews had a long history as long if not longer than the Chinese i.e. counting
all that existed in the region/middle east. Their history has been
characterized, you should read the Bible to get whole picture, esp. in the Old
Testament, wonderful reading but long so be warned, by obedience and
disobience. Whey they obey God, God bless them n the nation, when they don't
they received punishment. Teh 10 commandments was given to the Jews thru' Moses
by God. Guess what, when the Jews became rich and powerful after they were
given the land promised by God who brought them safely out of slavery in Eygpt,
thru' the Red Sea and desert, they promptly did what they pleased i.e satisfy
their ego, lust, be selfish, exploited people, forget the widows n orphans,
take advantage of poor, became immoral n did things not pleasing to God. The
nation disintergrated and overtaken by others such as Babylon, Persia n Assyria
(present day Iraq or Iran) and Romans. During the time of Jesus, the Jews were
looking to a King who would set them free as a country politically. they were
looking for the wrong answer, barking up the wrong tree. Jesus came to set the
Jews free from their selfishness, to free their soul, to save their lives so
that they can live forever n not just exist for a while on earth. Jesus wants
to be their King in their life in every way, spiritually, physically n mentally
n socially so that when they are whole, the nation can be whole again. Just as
when our heart is wounded emotionally, it is not easy to put on a smile. We may
fool a stranger but we can't fool someone close to us who knows our moods. On
the other hand if my heart is whole then even if we lose a leg n become
handicapped, we can still face the world n meet challenges coz we have inner
stability which does not depend on outside circumstances. Some Jews in fact
quite a number n also other races (in fact today there are more Christians than
any other in the world; Christians in every country I believe) believe Jesus
such as the Marys', John etc and Luke, prominent writer of the Gospel of Luke
who was not a Jew.

Your next qn. so everyone sinned n thus this world is coming to an end is
almost right. Yes, this world is imperfect. Someone say there is no justice in
this world, quite true, when one reads the news, yes, or walk around any major
cities in the world or go to the countryside n talk to the peasants or farmers
n you will know they are not too far off. Someone else said only in Heaven is
their perfect justice coz Jesus Christ would balanced off everything by the
cross He bore for us. Yes so this world is not exactly paradise, not heaven n
going to disappear, so is there any hope. Yes, the answer is yes, isn't
encouraging! Jesus Christ is coming back to take those who believe in Him to a
better place i.e. Heaven! He will also set up a new world on earth altho' that
could be argued away by some. the best news is that there is Hope in Jesus n
Joy n everlasting peace n love in God in the place reserved for those who
believe!

It could be said that God didn't create an imperfect world, remember that when
God first made the world, recalled the Garden of Eden, that was perfect n all
the animals and plants n Adam n Eve were perfect when first created. Note here
you might ask as u have although in another manner about the tree which bore
forbidden fruit, well remember, the tree was perfect in the way it was created,
if no humans ate of it, it would remain perfectly fine; the tree only came to
turn bad after Adam n Eve on being deceived by satan took the fruit n ate it.
Just like if I were to see a note of 5,000 ringgit of a friend inserted in the
pages of a book lent to me n I quietly took it without telling anyone, then I
had done bad, but if I had after finishing reading the book, return it with the
money intact to my friend n even mentioned the fact of money, then the note
remained the same, hasn't changed hands n still being used as it was intended
to when it was made, as a legal tender n used lawfully. So the question is
really not why should God put the tree there or why did God make this world
this way, as it is the question should be turned round. Instead, we humans we
have been created should asked why do we act so badly towards others, even
towards ourselves, how many of us really know ourselves, our limits, our
potentials, our fellow human beings and our creator!? Do the pots ask of the
potter "Who fashion us?" Well we are not inanimate objects, right, so we ask,
granted, but then we should be fair and ask ourselves, "How have we contributed
to man's problems? How have I been bad, to God, to man, to the environment,to
myself?" So if u recalled from earlier accounts, the problem only started with
Adam n Even, the first couple, when they disobeyed God's words to them n were
fooled by satan's temptation to eat the fruit and thus began man's troubles. So
the problem of badness, disease or sin started with human and satan, not God.
God did not make problem, man did when they fell into satan's trap!

Hope these answers help. Remember the only answer to this problem is accepting
Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and the
life." He loves you more than anyone else!


sienzz ZZzzzZZZzzZZZzzzZZzz......