and now, i feel stupid.

k, back to the chinese new year.
well, it s just like before, as usual. but suprisingly not that bad. i was pretty much occupied the whole time with homework that i brought back. a big collection n work since the start of the year that i havent touch. relieve that its sorta done now.

the weather was hot there. and the mosqitos were many, and i was stung all over.
i slept alot there, n it was feeels good sleeping like a pig again.
i laze around, and i thought about shcool.

tze ham brought back his ps2, but wasnt that intrested.
kinda fun playing tennis n basketball with the older folks though.
my cousins, ah meng dyed his hair. pretty cool. n ben also did change alot, erm, spotting.
the girls are pretty much the same as i last remembered. chui ting have a kancil liao n aleast havent crash it. nah, jk

the dad side.
we had our reunion dinner with grandma only, a day b4 the eve. and we roam penang the next day. we arent really welcome in that side, n probably everybody isnt fine with grand, including us.
when told dad s bro that we r going out that nite n wont be there for the reunion, he responded with anything u like lo.
ne way, back to grandma...90+, and she said we should be proud of it. i just wish she ve hurry to heavan...or manybe not.
gawd, she was grumbling throughout the whole dinner. n i dun understand a word. yuen had his book, i fa dai the throughout the whole meal, dad was there to consol, and mom was there to be amuse.
'she wants attention'

and so does the whole of her downlines. on the sec day of new year.
the sis r back. the singapore wan brought back oil paintings, her new found interest. she said she brought it back coz she wanna frame it in ipoh, n i wonder how it ended up here, or why it cant be frame in sg. we reach the house around 2 that day, n kinda late lo, n ate our lunch there also. and the whole time, granma was sitting there, asking everybody else to eat, which they had all aledi eaten, but still she ordered, n of coz was ignore. we sat there, eating, and she keep on pushing the dishes towards our side, n stacking vege also. she also took the the freied chickens, and gave us, how nice, but it isnt nice when its forcing it down on us, she s practically tossing chickens around. she keeps asking for refill, the soup n other vege. but, its aledi to the point of bursting lo, how to put more....
one uncle, said should learn karate, coz alot of bad ppl. a kind advice, but i m really piss the way he say it as if if i dun learn i sure will die. what can i do in this kind of situation, even if the crooks dun have guns, they ll proably have a big gang, n some weedkiller.

mom side.
grandma pretty weak, and always with a kinda lifeless look. granpa still well n strong it seems.
li sian lecture me on many things. just bcoz i was there...although it isnt nice to listen. but still good lo.
boon chong, i dunno how to put le, he seems childsish in some ways, but at least he seems contented with his life, n his teaching.

eve. jalan jalan around penang. i always hated to go there, coz its hot, n shopping is damn long. but now thinking back on it, it just another phase of life, just like the whole new year. it may be wasting time, but its the time i wasted that counts, that wasted time that i ll remember, later.
it felt good listening to them . again.

now i m running in circles.

what should i say, i wondered as i walk in. or what is there left to say as i sat down.

i pick up the pen, and started writting. i dun really know what to write. i couldnt really think straight. under pressure.
and writting a whole page. i still dont really know where am i going. its just like a roundabout, i m driving in circles aimlessly. i finish everything quickly, and hurried out.

theres so much more to say. and my hands hurt.

i din stay. i was tired and wasnt in the mood anymore.
out i saw , i saw a pillar of light. reaching up towards the cloudless night. stars filled the sky, but no moon.
i wanted to smash the the window. and i wanted to hit myself.

i stared at the mirror...

my 1st week...

the good
i havent sleep in class, yet.
i actually did some of my homwork myself.
sengkit working in a cyber. free goodies.
i am getting bored of my games. which probably i ll be playing less.

the bad
i dont even know how to write a karangan.
i can hardly concentrate with him beside me.
i always dont know what to do.
i feel sleepy all the time.
i hate lily!
my acounts...

back to school...
well, the whole class dint change much, infect, nothing chnge except for the monitor, teachers all those things.
i am now sitted next to yan shen, and i spend most of my time either fa dai-ing or listening to his bloody stories. after sometime, it just get borng, and i cant shuut him up, aww...sound polution~
still having a hard time getting use to school, man, how i wish to sleep the whole day, forget about teachers n homework. and bloody society stuffs.

sluggish~

now, if only i could stop looking at the moon and figure out where those cash went.

shcooling again tomorow, havent pack, but whats theere to pack anyway.
i wonder how much diferent would this year be from the last, same class and same people. hopefully there would be some changes, i dont really want to be in the same class again for another year :p
so sien, dunno how to spend my last few hours of my holidays, just dreaming of tomorow~

went out with simon today, and i am feeling fucking exhausted now.
man, he is like a fucking emotional vampire. feeling all drain out fending for myself, and some other ppl. at times, i really feel like wanna fucking hit him. jokes? bah, stupid jokes he told, it aint funny, and its getting boring. silly, grow up man, sometimes, he just seems like a small child making fun of other people, or other other people, in front of other people. and talkin about girls, his just fucking ulu, probably been in a boy school for too long. and cant you fucking understand that i am fucking over with the past. he seems to be hearing everything, and only listen to what he wanna listen, and he never forgets it, the way he keep on repaeting those stupid things, wtf, thats was 10 years ago, and he still whining bout those silly things. kiasu, he is a shitty and lousy loser, and when he finally wins at something, he ll be bragging bout it for the rest of his life. i was thinking, man, oic, this really is your 1st time winning, erm, what about he other 99 times? fucking ashol.
he talks about virginity, girls i mean, i wonder why he is so pantang on those not virgin anymore. so what if they arent a fcuking virgin, it doesnt mean they are a whore. where would you be in a few years time, you ll probably be eager for it, and lusting for more. sometimes, he seems like a fucking manipulator, a fucking guilt machine, and a empty tin of trash.

but still, i dont know why do i still treat him as a friend.

a new year, a good rest.
woke up around 10, eat breakfast n sleep,
wake up, eeat lunch, paly for a while n sleep again at 4.
wake up at 6, n went back to sleep again.
woke up at 8, still feeling grogy, but force myself not to sleep,
scan through the channel n watch silly progaram.
and finally went back to sleep at 2am

thinking bout last year now. well, most of the happening things are probably shcool things. how time flies. its gone.
learn kinda alot of things in alot of ways. pp n stuff is one thing. fucking responsiblity, n a little bout confidence in the earlier stage. besides that, there are things are learn by the people that around me, and away from me.
dunno, but seems like i m getting warmer in a way, but somehow, my words are getting colder and more, acidic.

i wonder how much i did actually change, and in a few years time, how much i would remeber of what i was now.

back to yester day again.
woke up early and went to shcool to do some lodd jobs. although most of the time just play play around and act busy.
reach school, and was greeted by kp, and hordes of small looking students with their parents, i wonder if i was in the right place, i mean, i was the only giant in shcool uniform, i saw some other 'giants' when i was near the pp room, and let out a sigh of relief.
the pp room, was lock with chains, we were lock out.
bout the odd jobs we did, erm, carrying chairs, and sometime beeing teachers runners, to send msg to other teachers or get some of their things, sigh.
felt like i was recieving foolish stares running up and down. and wtf-are-you-looking-at-stares when i turn around.
it ended earlier than we expected, so we ended up in pp rooming - which was unlock later - playing n chating

we ate lunch and went to xiang le house with shan rong. mymy, xiang le sister really is cheerful, erm, hyperactive?
and later we -xiang le, sheng jie, me- left n meet qing yao and wai kit -they bought the tickets and were at klcc for 6hours b4 we came- and saw lotr. we watched from the first row...
the show was awesome.

we left for the countdown ~~

Happy New Year!
man, dead tired, woke up at 10+, n sleep again after breakfaast, and now i am typing all this stuff, but still tired.
mmm, lets see, my new year resolutuions.
get more sleep
be hardworking! erm, something very hard to do.
get you outa my head, get a fucking new one, and pass my fucking test.