after she found out her paper was bocor....she went mad...she manage to find out that it was our class who started it....she also looks as if she was gonna cry...

too bad...there goes that karangan...

created a new acount...10:38...doesn't really seems nice...a lot interkingdom conflict....why does it also have to be like this le....

thinking about my physics studies yesterday...so confusing...take so long to just to understand some stupid thing...i was practicaly staring at a blank book for a few hours before i started getting it...

at least there wasn't much to study...exam went pretty well...i gues, except for the experiment thing...

utopia...damn, cant they even show some compasion for newbies....wtf...the third who had been destroyed by our own kingdom...

about the party name...dunno what to put le...

few names that i and yuen came across...

last year there were, dragon, comet, and sun....

what about pheonix? err...tiger?....rocket?

puddle of mudd...in chinese...yi pek si

year of the goat...why not jing yang tang

flora....yi duo xiao hua

yeah, something cool...dark...hei mo tang?

rice bucket...fan tong, why? because we eat rice everyday, rice taste good, rice give us energy...

pp-results are out....

i did get a place...don't know wheter i should be happy or not...

now...just waiting the damn election....

my party, chee wah, pei pei, chin yun, su rong something.....

wai kit din't got anything, felt a little bad for him...really wish to see him as our president....haha, the most powerful student in the school, the head of the lembaga pengerusi....leong wai kit....

things that would change if he was pengerusi....

pengawas are going down....

pp will go down...in a matter of time...no ties, no taking of atendence...

computer room to cyber cafe...free....

awp awp awp

the shcool board will have a pretty nice time...who know, maybe he'll make pn soong letak jawatan...hope so...

basicly, the world would be a better place....hahhahha

exam...damn...

so far so...bad, my place was the left-right corner of the class room....so, basicly, i was starringa walls most of the time...

english-fairly well i guess....damn that sumary writting, totaly forgot about checking it again...too absorb with that accident thing....

history-it started off badly...most of it is just guess work...at least it was objective....essay, don't know how to write out...quickly got it over and sleep..........

sec day, cool...got to change place...now, just beside the door, at least there are more things to see...

bm- die...bc- die die.....

sie lo.....

felt lonely then..just wanted to talk...ended up with him pretty piss off...

couldn't blame him...he was studying....and i was bothering him....

da place pretty occupied....always changing...what am i doing....

behind a's words...

most of the things on his mind lately is his site...exam's also there, bothering and maybe killing him...

think he deserve better...maybe academicly...

wanting aproval? not too sure about this...just seems so...

don't know wheter he is always praising himself or merely trying to makle a stupid joke...stupid..

don't really know why i dislike him so...why can't i just ignore him...why do i want to wreck him...

damn, i am evil...

rebel

an act out of foolishness...mostly because out of our pride and dignity that we have to keep...

we don't want to be push around...we want our freedom to do as we like...

they ended up wanting to show who's in charge...they want to be in charge...

they try to show their supieriority...but there's nothing left to show...

nothing turns out right

damn stubborn...he shut's out what he doesn't want to hear...and keep on rambling about what he think is right...

he thinks very narrowly...everything that is wrong must be because of it...damn, there are so many more things to it...have you ever consider yourself to be one?

he always start softly, giving reasons and his damn theories thinking that we don't care because we don't understand it...nobody listens...of course we don't, we've heard it before and we don't give a damn about it..

then burst up...slaming and shutting all our pleasure points....as if we can't find others...

no response...

there's a long silence then....

then back to the same ol thing...maybe a self assurence that he's still in control?

nothing ever work out...doesn't he even understand space...

a battle is won...but there is still a war to win...an enless war...

last night was very bad...

once they are angry...everything is brought out...one thing leading to another...damn...

he kept on repeating the same damn thing...so stubborn...

a little improvement...or was it getting worse...damn, i dunno...

shcoked i guess...wanted to help...but i think got a little confuse, turn in...good sign i guess...i was shaky then, damn, can't belive i was so rude ....and could at least said a thanks...damnit...


why did i look away...

wake up to the call of my parents...they said i could stay home and rest, cool, they gave me a few vatimins and i got back to sleep....
couldn't really sleep, wake up at around 830, it rained...

still sick...what really scare me...seeing it orange....shit!

dunno why, wake up quite early this few days...8 oclock, usualy i would be sleeping like a pig until 11...dunno wheter becourse of the ginsing or my system reall going upside down..

still coughing like shit, and keep on sneezing....and a slight fewer....every touch of water seems cold...wtf

damn, parents will be out 'till night...what if it really is....i wonder

...scared...

P.P. interview

Took place inside the p.p. room, they were all in there...almost, the atasan. Tthe first question i got was to introduce myself. damn, told my name, class, and hell, i couldn't really go on...what else to say?ah, hobbies, reading and playing comp...damn, is that relavent? ah loh seems impatient the whole time,nodding...or mybe shaking his head uup and down, having a faint smile all the time...out of courtesy? of couse he is like that, he probably ask the same question a million times, and he'd heard my answer before...same old stupid answer...and i was thinking, what thell do you want me to say wo....

how do you think your chances are? 50/50 like before...why you say...becourse i just think so damn it, ii don't really mix wellwith you guys, and everybody for that matter, and it is for you all to give the final answer...

later, i was given a lot of situation cases...what am i to do when i have already reached the dead end...i remeber answering to seek teachers or friends help when i lost some money...big money....and when ask if i lost the acount book...i was like, dunno....

ah mai ask would you sian ma fan if i was to go to the bank now and then...i said it is ma fan...but it's our job todo so...i think that was the only good answer i gave through out the whole thing....

a few question on being responsible something, of course i said i will...duh, but then ah loh said out of the kawat practice, how many time did i go...damn, i did miss a lot, but is kawat that importand?

somemore on confidence...yes, i think i will be a good one and so....

dont quite remember what else is there....and that was it...

i dont really think it went well...ah loh doesnt really seems convinced...

wake up today with a damn soarthroat today, drikning water this morning was like drinking acid, my throat burns!!!

it got better later in the day, at lest it wasn't that painful. wonder if i got sars, always coghing...damn,. parents keep on saying built up my fucking imune system, and get enough of rest....tired of it, and more than 10 pills a day? that is crazy!

Avoidant

A pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy & hypersensitivity to negative evaluation, beginning by early adulthood & present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 4 (or more) of the following:



1.avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fears of criticism, disapproval or rejection

2.is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

3.shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed

4.is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations

5.is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy

6.views self as socially inept, personally unappealing or inferior to others

7.is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

just waiting...hugging..no grabbing that damn pillow....waiting, seconds....minutes passes-nothing....

felt stupid...sia sui...dissapointed....damn! wanted to pull back what i've said....

just as it was gone...she replied....it could mean...a joke, too good to be true, dont want it to be true....i think she meant the last one....

an eventful day...

There was almolst a fight in shcool...almost...wonder if it'll ever comes to it...both also doesnt really seems that bad....

wai kin came today...from what i heard, soong saw him, had a word or two with him...but doesnt really seems to have anything....

damn els thing...damn sujin....need a fucking letter for being absent....

pp interview....it went quite ok for me....for what i think at least, din't really freeze or anything....but the more i think about it the worse it seems, most of the answer i gave wernt that...good, and ah loh was shaking his head through out the whole time, seems impatient...maybe 'cause all my answers are the usual ones...or maybe he just thinks those are just empty words...

drama society....everything seems to be mess up...a lot of problems, politics.....



quiney...seems unfriendly, martin, big boss? je, sarcastic jokes...yusof(not too sure),of course he is the way he is...age...gesper...be yourself la...

again...i flee....

just seen malcom...he declared his love...turn out that his gal loves someone else...later have to spend three hours on some stupid game.....damn i still got a whole damn year, and what am i to do....

damn, i like seeing this kind of things

completely fucked!


what fucked version of hello kittie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are we what we really are or merely what we believe we are

had a stupid ceramah on recycle from a alam flora guy, he has been working there for 20 odd years...wonder how many years did he spend cleaning shit

damn sien...he ask a few question, there were ppl who answer as usual...two of them sohai, made a fool of theirself...lauguage problem gua...



actually kinda worried about studies...damn all those absent teacher and my fucking kawat practice, no tution, no reliabe reference book, no damn teachers....for once...i actually wished i was listening in class....





an empty book

talking to a damn wall...

need attention...but strangely feel umcomfortable with it...

need aproval...but know i wouldnt get any, and whats the fucking point of it...

need somebody to talk to...but fear that would be nothing to say...and the things they would say

what the hell am i afraid of...of what i am? of what i think?
what the hell do i want...

War is over....nothing much to say....just hope that u.s. has done the right thing....

Puddle of Mudd-Blurry

Everything's so blurry

And everyone's so fake

And everybody's empty

And everything is so messed up

Preoccupied without you

I cannot live at all

My whole world surrounds you

I stumble then I crawl



You could be my someone

You could be my scene

You know that I'll protect you

From all of the obscene

I wonder what your doing

Imagine where you are

There's oceans in between us

But that's not very far



Can you take it all away

Can you take it all away

Well ya shoved it in my face

This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away

Can you take it all away

Well ya shoved it my face



Everyone is changing

There's no one left that's real

To make up your own ending

And let me know just how you feel

'Cause I am lost without you

I cannot live at all

My whole world surrounds you

I stumble then I crawl



And you could be my someone

You could be my scene

You know that I will save you

From all of the unclean

I wonder what your doing

I wonder where you are

There's oceans in between us

But that's not very far



Can you take it all away

Can you take it all away

Well ya shoved it in my face

This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away

Can you take it all away

Well ya shoved it my face

This pain you gave to me



Nobody told me what you thought

Nobody told me what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn

Told you when to run away

Nobody told you where to hide

Nobody told you what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn

Showed you when to run away



Can you take it all away

Can you take it all away

Well ya shoved it in my face

This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away

Can you take it all away

Well ya shoved it my face

This pain you give to me

Smallvile-how could two best friends become like them

Two best friends, turn into enemies...how long will Clarke and Lex last?

Friendship, once again. How long whould it last? how long....sorry if I din't treat you well, best friends? I never really believe in best friends, it wouldn't last forever. Sooner or later, each would be ggoing all our seperate ways. I just never get too close to people....


Gilmore girls

Lorelai going to the birth of georgia, and thinking back on her pregnency...

Memories....sometimes sweet, sometimes sour....something we will all thnk about later and say how stupid we were...or is it a wise choice?

How freinds just leave....'course there is always something more importand...how people are just there for company., all so fake....

got meaning meh? when there's no one seeing?

yeah, i wonder myself...just looking at my own words, seeing how misereble I am, whats the point?

looking back on how stupid I was? Regreting on th things I din't do?

damn! whats the whole damn point!

exam coming again...duh...
still playing like shit...

had a couples dream last night...

dreamt she talk to me...something....cant remember the details....all blur blur....nice dream though...stop dreaming la...

second one...some sort of nightmare or something...not that scary...also blur blur...remember i and someone walk into a room....see a glowing miror...a girl..ghost inside...said something...also remember a coin...dunno....

Sports Day

like anyother sports day...sien....all i remember is kawat onli....at least our pp was ok....

poor sai hong....trying so hard....he was all pale....

pengawas....stupid comander....heard ppl say she din't let them go... later, 1 walk out...1 more just faint at the spot...landing head first...poor guy....

so many chances...

so many choices....

i chosed....i turned


i walked away...i ran...

why...i don't know....

a road once taken...

is there an turning back?

alos...just stated in british counsil this week....

just like an english class...just that orang putih teach only....

class around 18 ppl or so.....so lonely.....

Just borrow vagrant story from a friend...busy playing it...lazy to online liao...

this week....

yuen again...go to my class...started giving out 'love' letters...funny....it work well

wanted to play a joke also...but why on earth did i chose zhi jun le....hai even more sia siu...

kawat...kawat...kawat....

most teachers on kusus or something....but somehow.....dint really sleep much....kinda getting better now....feel so....

oral test coming up....damn...why do we need to memorise it wo...fuck that zarinah...why cant just be like other teacher...

i really sucks at speaking...talking...whatever....els got some public speaking pratice...just have to give a speech about myself....

damn...

freak out, fuck out,

dunno what to say, what to do,

so slow, too damn slow,

everything dint came out the way i wanted it,

WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING..DAMN IT

a lot happening lately....life's so fucked up......

santhi, dunno whats her problem today....came into class in a bad mood, gave us some stupid respiration project....damn i hate it, i was in pei yee group, as usual...pei yee, wen xuan,boon siong, kim wai...dont really know if ruey ling and shen yun are still in....but i think they are....hate all this stupid project...and has to present on friday....tiu lo, so fast

she really seems to hate chee kin siong, the sa sa pengawas...always scolding him...call him a donkey.....even to the extend of hitting him in the face....
whats her problem wo...bitch!

why do you have to be standing there looking like the answer....damn it,

whole day just looking at you chatting with guys...why cant you just leave...why cant i just go....

damn fustrated....i just wanna forget....

yesterday night....why does everyone has to all jump up and down just because its a little late....mom just gave a lecture....dad le....so stuborn...still insist on telling me to sleep...talking about all the bad of sleeping late....damn it....sien lo....heard how many hundred times already....

we were already bout to sleeep....but...as teen...we hate taking orders....so, we rebel....
thing we did during his speech....

turn up the music....

sing along the music....

the coco cruch ad...calsium...long face...coco cruch...happy; growth hormons....yawn....sleep...huray....

and last of all, when all else fail.......play dead....

it kinda work....after talking to the wall for sometime....yes, he actually carry on talking....he give up....

so fucking sien....dad said he would keep the com on weekend also if i dont go and study...what diference would it make wo...

why do i alwys feel as if i am a lower life form than them when talking to them....do they really tihink so....damn, i understand what the hell u r saying...what u mean behind those words...

we live i a world of lies...there always something inside...someting untold...something hiden..for the good or the bad...always lies...

Feeling lost...dunno what to do...go ahead and just be freinds...but fear that she'll run away when she fucking sees me...fear that that i what come out will either bore her to dearth or will piss her off....fear that i have nothing to say...

yong sen...is he always going there 'cause he wants to walk with kings...or have other motives...either way...he looks stupid doing it...

Past

always looking up...hoping to see you...wishing you were there....

you were always there looking back....looking down upon...

those stares...were they meant for me....or someone else....or is it my imagination.....

does people really know how they sound?

how sharp words couldd be...painful...how just a few words could hurt me so...then later hurt others...

but whats worst is nothing said....silence....

Acw...posted two things on his site that i find...amusing....

Wednesday, April 2

I have figured out how the other popular blog around the world can attract large traffic.They post up what other people want to see or know,contrast to this blog.I just write out what I want and feel,nothing other than that.I choose to set up a blog few months ago is to have a public place to say out my feeling or thought,and web is definitely the right place(maybe) to do this.But I have just add some interesting blogs to my favourites.Mostly of the blog I found these day are about the war and peace.Well,some people have do the right thing at the right time,and if u do,what you get is a popular site in no time,really!


Thursday, April 3

But I don't and won't do that for now and in the future becouse I know what is copyright,some site are just copy the latest news and post it up(example here).Haha,I wonder why the surfers would prefer to get the news from there.If you want to be the first one to know,i recommend


What I thin

he feel his site is not popular...he is jeolus of others popular blog...then he defends his blog...so he is just a simple guy who think he is a 'good' guy who just post his boring feelings and thoughts....dont everybody do that?


he really is jeolos, and direct other people to find other source of information...anything but anybody else blog...yeah sure....

other thing....

vin....really wished you could think about other people....yeah i know how perfect she is., but....just get over it.....

The Hours

Just seen the hours...it was rather..interesting...confusing...dont really think i got the real message...but still...

how simple, perfect life could seems, but there is so much inside, so much that couldnt be seen, until its too late....

A lot of debating competition going on ...English...chinese...all going on the same time...

got to watch a match between the MBS and some Malay shcool...it was very diferent from the chinese debate...seems very free...one of the MBS was practicaly acting on stage...full of expression...very dramatic...and very amusing....words a bt unclear thoug...he talks like a machine gun...all the words all jumble together...damn funny la....

yuen got to watch one of the chinese debate....xinag le, au yang, TTpei and somebody else was in one group, the other...he only reconize qiao wei...xiang le was very good...talk until their openet got nothing to say....au yang le...he's words are so blur that the oponet dunno what to say.....they won...

Thoughts on War
War is still raging on, many more killed, so what, its just another nomber....many thousands of people are dying each day by various causes....war is also another one...a cycle that the world would go throught sooner or later....

dont know why vin so interested in it....the weoppons...US...i just feel kinda sick thinking about war...

CNN, the media...how much can we believe about it....would they really put out information that would hram the forces? what if they are feeding us with false information that they want us to believe....

Suicide bombers....I think its crazy....dying in battle is honorable...but to kill one self...is it so? yeah, maybe if there is no cause of living, nothing left but the hatred ...life is so miserable...

most of the teachers are absence today...watch lin jie they all having their drama practice...dont even know what are they doing ...started with them dunno praying or something...then walking backwards....tearing up books....then dunno god save them or something....din't know what were they actinguntil someone told me it's about student's stress....wu liao....

later...change class with yuen....he wore my tie and pretend to be me...heard that he walk around the class like an idiot....and ask ruey ling for her nomber....she dint know it was him....everybody else was laughing out loud...